We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their teen years. Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.
Red Dirt Diaries
Monday, July 11, 2005
Update
Well things have been going and going here at the homestead..
First Happy Birtday to my father in law Roy today!!!
Madison is growing like a weed and spent the last two weeks with Granma and Granpa Moffat before starting Daycare today. She is spoiled rotten actually she was that way a little before she went there. Thank you guys for that...I was a little nervous about dropping her off today but figure that big brother will take good care of her. She has her 2 month chkup on the 19th. She got her 2 month shots last Tuesday and that was not a good thing. As big brother will tell you she was SO FURIOUS.
Andrew is doing better now the Thursday before the 4th he came down with strep and impetigo so we treated that and he had to stay home that Friday. So he and daddy spent the day together they had a good time. He will be turning 4 on the 20th of this month hard to believe and he will get to have his dreaded 4 year chkup and shots then too before he starts big boy school in August. He has been going to practice with us and wants to practice just like we do he loves baseball..He was even showing mommy how to hold the bat and hit the ball like him the other day that is pretty sad.
Paul is back to work and so am I. We started our summer league of softball last week. Our first game we won by forfit but we played them just for practice. We have been practicing on Saturday evenings and either Tuesday evening or Wednesday. I am not doing too bad. Have a couple of bad blisters from trying to practice hitting the other day but it was fun. And am sore beyond sore from squatting behind home plate and hitting the ball I guess. Paul is playing 3rd base and I take turns with another girl as catcher and right field. Paul hit about 5 home runs balls over the fence at practice on Saturday evening. He is pretty pumped, hoping he can do that at a game or too. Dad has our schedule posted on his web site. The games are either Thursdays or Fridays. Thanks mom and dad for helping out with Madison during games and practice.
Paul has a big bday coming up as well on the 29th.
Had a good 4th of July we had a party on the 2nd at Paul's aunt and uncles, then we had dinner at Phil and Tammy's on the 3rd. Paul had to work on Monday and I was sick but we ran over to my mom and dad's for a little bit and got to see my Uncle Mike. I have been fighting a sinus infection and allergies for the past week. Am really getting tired of this...
Took the kids swimming yesterday will not be doing that for a while without some help or somewhere to leave Madison. She is not my outside person and the heat had her not happy and Andrew swam for a short while so we did not stay around long. I took some pictures will have to get them on line at home can't post them at work. We stuck Madison's feet in the pool and that was a TOTAL MISTAKE...she flipped out and screamed and screamed and so on for 30 mins. And if you ask Andrew he will tell you that she was FURIOUS. So guess she won't be our water baby right now.
We lost our beloved 36 goat yesterday. We are not sure what is going on we found her dead in one of the huts. She had triplets this year so we still have her babies. Our other goat that climbs all over Paul and stuff is not doing well either Paul got some stuff and gave her a shot last night and then treated the water for cocsitiosis thinking maybe that is it. We are hoping that this is not something that will go through the whole herd and wipe them out. We have not told Andrew and dread when he notices that she is gone.
That is about it for now...I am sure that I forgot something...For those that are wondering we have not got pictures of Madison taken yet. We are planning on doing that REAL soon as well as we are going to get her ears pierced against big brothers better wishes. So as soon as we get pictures we will get them out to everyone...I now know what they mean that you do more picture taking with the first then the second. We are also planning on getting pics with both kids and then a family picture as well...Just have to work it in the non stop schedule...hehe
First Happy Birtday to my father in law Roy today!!!
Madison is growing like a weed and spent the last two weeks with Granma and Granpa Moffat before starting Daycare today. She is spoiled rotten actually she was that way a little before she went there. Thank you guys for that...I was a little nervous about dropping her off today but figure that big brother will take good care of her. She has her 2 month chkup on the 19th. She got her 2 month shots last Tuesday and that was not a good thing. As big brother will tell you she was SO FURIOUS.
Andrew is doing better now the Thursday before the 4th he came down with strep and impetigo so we treated that and he had to stay home that Friday. So he and daddy spent the day together they had a good time. He will be turning 4 on the 20th of this month hard to believe and he will get to have his dreaded 4 year chkup and shots then too before he starts big boy school in August. He has been going to practice with us and wants to practice just like we do he loves baseball..He was even showing mommy how to hold the bat and hit the ball like him the other day that is pretty sad.
Paul is back to work and so am I. We started our summer league of softball last week. Our first game we won by forfit but we played them just for practice. We have been practicing on Saturday evenings and either Tuesday evening or Wednesday. I am not doing too bad. Have a couple of bad blisters from trying to practice hitting the other day but it was fun. And am sore beyond sore from squatting behind home plate and hitting the ball I guess. Paul is playing 3rd base and I take turns with another girl as catcher and right field. Paul hit about 5 home runs balls over the fence at practice on Saturday evening. He is pretty pumped, hoping he can do that at a game or too. Dad has our schedule posted on his web site. The games are either Thursdays or Fridays. Thanks mom and dad for helping out with Madison during games and practice.
Paul has a big bday coming up as well on the 29th.
Had a good 4th of July we had a party on the 2nd at Paul's aunt and uncles, then we had dinner at Phil and Tammy's on the 3rd. Paul had to work on Monday and I was sick but we ran over to my mom and dad's for a little bit and got to see my Uncle Mike. I have been fighting a sinus infection and allergies for the past week. Am really getting tired of this...
Took the kids swimming yesterday will not be doing that for a while without some help or somewhere to leave Madison. She is not my outside person and the heat had her not happy and Andrew swam for a short while so we did not stay around long. I took some pictures will have to get them on line at home can't post them at work. We stuck Madison's feet in the pool and that was a TOTAL MISTAKE...she flipped out and screamed and screamed and so on for 30 mins. And if you ask Andrew he will tell you that she was FURIOUS. So guess she won't be our water baby right now.
We lost our beloved 36 goat yesterday. We are not sure what is going on we found her dead in one of the huts. She had triplets this year so we still have her babies. Our other goat that climbs all over Paul and stuff is not doing well either Paul got some stuff and gave her a shot last night and then treated the water for cocsitiosis thinking maybe that is it. We are hoping that this is not something that will go through the whole herd and wipe them out. We have not told Andrew and dread when he notices that she is gone.
That is about it for now...I am sure that I forgot something...For those that are wondering we have not got pictures of Madison taken yet. We are planning on doing that REAL soon as well as we are going to get her ears pierced against big brothers better wishes. So as soon as we get pictures we will get them out to everyone...I now know what they mean that you do more picture taking with the first then the second. We are also planning on getting pics with both kids and then a family picture as well...Just have to work it in the non stop schedule...hehe
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