25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION: 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL : 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC: Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY: 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER: 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: 'I brought you into this world, and I can take yo out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: 'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY: 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: 'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING: 'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP: 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR: 'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS: 'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS: 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM: 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE : 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'